


Reflection of Oneself

by wait_shesaid_what



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Caleb Widogast is a Mess, Other, no beta we die like the shy bitches we are
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:35:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28768674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wait_shesaid_what/pseuds/wait_shesaid_what
Summary: Leofric and Una Ermendrud were not soulmates.Bren Aldric Eremendrud didn’t have a soulmate.Apparently though, Caleb Widogast did.
Relationships: Mollymauk Tealeaf/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 7
Kudos: 103
Collections: Widomauk Winter Gift Exchange 2021





	Reflection of Oneself

**Author's Note:**

  * For [steelneena](https://archiveofourown.org/users/steelneena/gifts).



> AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
> 
> This is my first time in a long time writing and I can't believe that after rewriting this THREE TIMES it's DONE and exchange day is HERE! I went in a kinda weird(?) direction with this but I hope you like it!

Leofric and Una Ermendrud were not soulmates.

The world did not explode into colors for Leofric the first time they laid eyes upon one another. His name was not tattooed on the inside of Una’s wrist. Not even the more rare signs were what brought the two together. They just simply fell in love, and got married. Devoted to each other despite the fact that their “ _true_ ” loves were out there in the world looking for them. For such a small and superstitious town as Blumenthal, this was an aberration.

It was also why, according to the people of the said small farming town, Bren Aldric Ermendrud did not have a soulmate.

There, of course, was no way to definitively prove this was the case. There were plenty of soul marks that could appear upon meeting one’s soulmate, rather than having one from birth. Not to mention the soul bonds that are shared without a physical mark. Una used to whisper these and other reassurances to Bren when he would be unable to sleep.

_”But Astrid has a birthmark on her arm that looks like a bird cage.” Bren protested through his tears, his lips trembling. “And Eadwulf can’t see any colors! Everyone in town says I’m cursed!”_

_“Do not be silly, my darling boy.” His mother said, ever with infinite patience. She gently patted dry his cheeks with the sleeve of her night gown, using her free hand to tilt his chin up so that he would look her in the eyes. “You are not cursed.”_

His mother was wrong of course. He _was_ cursed. Only it had nothing to do with his parents and everything to do with _himself_.

Bren Aldric Ermendrud did not have a soulmate.

Bren Aldric Ermendrud did not have a soulmate, because he was a _monster_. He was always meant to be a monster.

The gods were not known for their mercy. Almost no one outside their temples would argue with that. However, the Prime Deities were not known to go out of their way to be cruel either. The gods would not shackle another poor soul to someone so unworthy of love. His parents had loved him as their precious son, and look at what that had got them.

So no, Bren did not have a soulmate.

_Nor, will I ever_. Caleb thought, as he dodged out the way of another pedestrian. Most of the time it was easy enough to avoid being touched while in public. No one wanted to bump into a stinky dirt-covered hobo, not even on accident. It was a tedious and mostly pointless habit, but one that for the miserable life of him, he just could not break. Because what if the gods _did_ decide to be that cruel. What if he bumped into someone one day, and what if a soulmark appeared on the two of them. 

Caleb Widogast was just as damned as Bren was, but that did mean he had to inflict the same on his soulm- _No._

He shook his head. He wouldn’t risk it. He didn’t want to be touched.

Which was why he was so... Mad? No, mad wasn’t the right word. Upset? Yes, good.

Which was why he was so upset at one Mollymauk Tealeaf.

Because there was a moment. A horrible moment, after an already horrible moment where he was lost in his mind. Back in front of his burning family home. Lost, stuck, _trapped_ back where he realized exactly what kind a horrible creature he was. And then… _SLAP!_

_“Oi! Back in the game!”_

Mollymauk’s hand could not have touched his cheek for more than a fraction of a second, but there had been electricity in the time that it had. A jolting feeling that spread outwards across his face, to his eyes, to his _mind_. Ripping him away from the scene of his parent’s death, away from his inner demons. And then the purple tiefling pressed his lips to his forehead, banishing the remaining darkness that lay just beneath it. 

_“Time for that later!”_ Mollymauk promised, leaving Caleb in a stupor. Watching as Molly tilted his head slightly at him before asking “You alright?”

“Ja.” Is what he manages to say, but what he means to say is _Nein, it is most certainly NOT all right!_ Because his heart is still racing at a speed he can not calculate, but it’s _different_. It’s not alright because he can still feel where Molly touched his face. He can not be beginning to have _feelings_ for Mollymauk Tealeaf. 

Because Caleb does not have a soulmate… Right? 

“Nott?” he asks the little goblin girl quietly once Alfield is back in their sights. “Is there something on my face?”

“No?” she blinks up at him puzzled. “I mean, there’s dirt on your face, but there’s always dirt on your face.” He has known Nott awhile now, and he does not think she would lie to him. Even then, Mollymauk, or Beau, or any of the others would have brought up something as significant as _a soulmark on his face_ just appearing. However, he has to be sure. He has to see for himself, that there is _nothing_ on his face. That he is just in shock, and that’s all any of this is.

So, Caleb sneaks away while the others are celebrating with the town. Up to the rented room with a tiny mirror to see… His face, unchanged. But before he can let out a sigh of relief he catches a flash of purple in the small reflection.

He jumped, turning around to berate Mollymauk for following him, but he isn’t there. Dread pooled into his stomach as he glanced back at the mirror. Another quick flash of a purple figure, and this time Caleb _swears_ he can see the curve of Mollymauk’s smile. 

Caleb fell to his knees, muttering curses in each of the languages he knew.

It wasn’t common to be able to see the one who’s heart was meant for yours in a reflection. Not common, but unheard of. He rubbed his hands through his head miserably. 

What did this mean? He had seen himself in the mirror several times growing up, and never once had he seen a glimpse of an extravagant purple tiefling. 

Bren Aldric Eremendrud didn’t have a soulmate.

Apparently though, Caleb Widogast _did_.

***

  
  
  


But the gods _are_ cruel.

Because just when, Caleb started to allow himself to feel whatever it was he was supposed to feel for beautiful, arrogant, _wonderful Mollymauk_ … His soulmate was taken from him. And with him the comforting presence he caught glimpses of in his reflection.

Caleb was not allowed to escape Bren’s curse.

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


_Or perhaps not._

***

“Why be curious about something that just doesn’t matter?” Is what Lucien says to the Mighty Nein, several months later. Several excruciatingly painful months for Caleb that had been filled with regrets and what-ifs. He is quite certain that he simply would not have survived had it not been for the antics and support of his friends.

But right here, right now, Caleb felt like _laughing_.

Because here was Lucien, The Nonagon, going off on tangents on how Molly did not _really_ exist. Jester turned towards Caleb and made an exaggerated eye roll and he had to bite his tongue, lest he lose the indifferent facade he was wearing.

Lucien can say whatever he wants, but Caleb knows the truth.

He knows what he saw in the mirror fifty odd days ago for the first time since that day on Glory Run Road.

**Author's Note:**

> pls be kind.


End file.
